Bad. Ass.

I have many things to say about celiac disease and our healthy new gluten free diet, but many of them are negative. Because I am just so tired of all things negative, I would like to reveal something else entirely.

Something serious is going on with me. I don't know if it's the new diet or maybe all the stress that I've been under, but I am a changed woman.

If any of you know me at all, you know how terrified I am of lizards. Small ones, large ones, green ones, brown ones, black ones, see-through ones, spotted ones, striped ones, neon ones, indiginous ones, imported ones, baby ones, aggressive ones, fast ones, dead ones... you get it. Those closest to me may recall that I almost didn't marry JS because of an incident that we now politely refer to as the Lizard In the Christmas Tree Incident, but this isn't the time to discuss it... still too painful.

Well, you see, my house has been invaded by lizards twice in the last week, and I took care of them. By "taking care of them," I am not referring to sucking them up with the vacuum cleaner (ahem.. JS!), and I did not squirt them with Windex until they drowned.* Instead, I identified the problem (offending lizard), formulated a plan (remove them, STAT), acquired the required equipment (plastic bowl and some sort of lid or paper... you get it), and went to work (without screams or requiring oxygen). I don't remember much about what happened, but somehow the trespassing reptiles found themselves propelled safely into the grass. All because of me.

I don't know what exactly has changed within me, but it simply MUST BE the new and improved Gluten Free Whipper that has emerged, sans lizard phobia. There is no other explanation. And I think that if I remain in SoFla, I might have to start wearing some sort of cape. I have truly turned a corner.

*I don't even own Windex, and I would never squirt anything larger than a housefly with a cleaning product. I mean, I would squirt a roach to death if I was forced to, but I have never had the opportunity.